Ticking Clocks, Tough Decisions, and Bookie

I’ll start this off one a bit backwards, so apologies in advance for the downer start, but I feel it’s important.

We lost an important person in Toronto radio last week. Dave “Bookie” Bookman passed away at the age of 58 from a brain aneurysm. It hit me harder than I thought it would. I didn’t know Bookie personally, but maybe it was something to do with someone who I grew up listening to growing up passing away being hard to hear. Someone I waved to when the Edge studios were at Dundas, and he waved back. When my sister asked if I knew him, I told him I didn’t, but said something akin to “that’s Bookie, he’s a good guy”. Maybe it’s also hard to see a contemporary pass away at a relatively young age. Maybe it’s because I, like many others, took advantage of the Nu Music Nights at the Horseshoe Tavern, which were always free, and you got to see some of the best indie acts. And sometimes you get lucky and figure out that Billy Talent is playing then, and you lose your voice from singing and screaming so hard and got to attend, to date, the best concert you’ve ever been to. And maybe, just maybe, it’s a bit of the reality that anything can happen, on any given day.

RIP Dave “Bookie” Bookman, thank you for everything.

—

I recently had a co-worker decide to quit and head back home. Part of it was that she had been chasing this broadcasting thing for a while, and had been away from home for 7 out of 8 years. She also felt the biological clock ticking, and she needed to see if the relationship she had with someone was going to work. Which for her, meant they had to live together to see if that could make that work first. I felt it was a bit odd. Not that relationships and biological clocks are illogical reasons to leave a job and/or head home, but more so that I was older than her. Maybe it’s because I’m a dude, but I feel there’s still a bit more career chasing/building that I can do before I do a hard stop and just focus on a place/relationship, and push all my focus into that.

I will admit I was thinking of the possibility of doing that (the picking up and moving) before I landed this gig, but at this point, it’s neither here nor there. My focus hasn’t changed from trying to get to my desired destinations and working in my desired field, but I’m currently on the path, so I’m not too worried about those things.

So yeah, career vs family is a tough one, especially if one displaces the other. I don’t really have the proper answer on making it work when they don’t work in unison. I’m a dreamer with my head in the clouds, with a floating belief that everything will work out. I don’t know if that’s the wisest, as putting myself into oddball situations, ejecting from others, and not being able to be fully in others will lead me in the desired directions in the time frame I would like.

But we make our decisions and live with them, and hope that it works out in the end. So far so good, still kicking, and still fighting the good fight. At least that’s what I tell myself, hahaha.

Relationships, Careers, and Free Solo

I was watching Free Solo, and someone introduced an idea about how romantic relationships made going for it more difficult. Granted, it was more about how not being involved with someone made it easier for one to try and climb without gear easier mentally as there were less things on your mind, and holding you back.

The idea really resonated with what I’m doing. While opportunities for dating have come up every so often, I chose not to really pursue any of them because of my career. Unfortunately in broadcasting, at least at the stage I’m at, you have to mobile. Many others have echoed the same sentiment, and it’s can be stressful to pursue your career that takes you places, leaving the other behind. Opportunities can be far and few between, and when you’re on your way, sometimes it’s just easier to do it by yourself.

It’s selfish, but self preserving. I don’t know if it’s the right decision yet, as I’m still chasing the dream, and it’s taking me all over the country.

On one hand, it’s given me the ability to be mobile, and go all over the place. On the other, I see others building their families, having kids, settling down, and part of me wonders if I should be doing that instead. I do want kids, and that means at some point I should eventually settle down with someone and build a family.

I know someone in my industry who ended up forgoing a lot of the familial things because they were chasing the dream. They’ve made it very far, but it was also a conscious decision for them forgo having a family. I don’t know if I’d be able to make that decision, especially as the clock ticks down and what’s considered the best window to have kids begins to close.

But for now, I’m still young and allowed to be reckless. I’m on the right path and it’s possible that this post will age poorly as I set the pieces in place and start building things in parallel as career and family sync up.

I just thought it was interesting, whether it was the pursuit of free solo climbing El Capitan, or the pursuit of other careers, more often than not you have to make a conscious decision between relationships and career advancement.

“Little found, little don’t-know-where-I-am
Maybe I’m a little bit holy water but still a little bit burning man”